Reminiscence
by NamiLoveless
Summary: I want to tell him that I would never leave them...It’s a pity that I’m too much of a coward to stand up for someone that only a few people want to hold on to.


A/N: Hello, this is NamiLoveLess. This story is just a reminiscence—or a tribute, I'm not sure what word would be better—to LoveLess, my old guild, and to all of my friends. The situation is very complicated, and the guild drama is almost too much to take care of. If you are in the guild LoveLess or IoveIess in Bera, you might know what I'm talking about, but if you aren't, then I still hope you enjoy the story and that you never forget how important it is to stay by your friends.

Everyone in this story exists; everyone mentioned in the story exists as well. All of us—save for the one friend that is mentioned without a name—is still in either LoveLess. Most of the story content is real and has actually happened in-game; you can decide which parts were fabricated, if you like. If any one of you readers is a member of the guild, I'm sorry if you happen to be offended at any point in this ficlet. I really don't have anything else to say, really, except that I hope the story gets my feelings across well enough.

P.S. Sorry if the ending seems too cheesy for your taste. Just putting that out there because I'm always afraid of being guilty for having cheesy endings.

Disclaimer: I do not own MapleStory or anything in it, except for my character Namina, which is technically still the property of Nexon.

* * *

"Nami, you have to choose. I don't want you to be left behind."

Funny that he had to mention that. It reminds me of two years ago, on this exact day.

"Nami? Are you listening to me? Hello? Listen, we're working on fixing up our guild and everything. We've even managed to get the funds for more space. Please, Nami, I don't want you to forget us. Face it; they're not coming back."

I didn't really have much hope after so long, but he didn't have to say it like that.

"Nami, do you want to join or not?"

I want to yell at him, slap him, tell him that I would never leave my friends. I want to ask him if he would abandon someone who promised to come back, and tell him that I don't want to leave just because he says they are not coming back. I want to remind him that they would have had the heart to tell us if they were going to leave us.

"Ask me later. I have to think about it."

It's a pity that I'm too much of a coward to stand up for someone that only a few people want to hold on to.

-0-

I'm staring out at the sky now, on the terrace that I've always loved to visit. I remember someone who had sat here with me a long time ago, saying that the terrace was her favorite place to think things out. She is no longer my friend, but I still think here. As I watch the clouds float past me slowly, I sigh and lean against the rail, the hem of my gown fluttering around my ankles in the breeze. I want to remember the memories of what I loved—the ones I called my friends, and the time we spent together, laughing everything away and enjoying the best of life.

There is no such feeling anymore.

Looking out at the endless expanse of land before me, I close my eyes, and let my mind whirl through the barrage of memories that swirl around my consciousness. I think of the memories from the past, and after floating in my own mind for a few minutes, I concentrate on one, holding onto those feelings that I had so long ago.

* * *

"_Hi."_

_I turn from my friend, who was currently climbing down a frayed rope that clung onto a rock jutting out of the wall, to face a friendly looking male with spiky hair. "Oh, hi. Is there something you need?"_

_The male grins and shakes his head. "Nope, I don't need anything. I just wanted to know, would you like joining my guild?"_

_My eyes widen at this statement as I contemplate this. I have no idea who he even is, but as I've never really been in a guild, I'm interested. "Well, I'm not sure. Have we met before?"_

"_Nope, I don't think so. You can call me Gawk," he says, extending his hand. I shake it and smile._

"_You can call me Namina, Nami for short. So I can join your guild?" I ask, crossing the fingers of my free hand behind my back._

_Gawk seems taken aback by this. "Well, yes. Isn't that what I just said?" He offers me an envelope, which is clearly the guild invitation. I take it without hesitation and thank him. A thought then crosses my mind quite randomly; I turn to my friend, who has landed on the ground clumsily, a cloud of dust rising from the gray stones of the tower, and turn back to Gawk._

"_Would you mind inviting my friend as well?" I ask him, motioning to my friend as he walks up to Gawk. My newly-made guild mate grins again, and pulls out another invitation, although it is admittedly more wrinkled than mine. My friend takes it, a confused expression crossing his face, but when he opens it, he brightens and pockets it, extending his hand to Gawk._

"_The name's Gawk," the guild mate says, shaking my friend's hand._

"_And I'm Tonima," my friend replies, smiling. As they break their handshake, he turns and tells me to hurry up, because we have wasted enough time, but I ignore him and wave goodbye to Gawk. He waves back._

* * *

My eyes slowly open, reluctant to let go of that nostalgic feeling that continues to linger, even though the memory has finished playing out. The sun has already begun to set; the red light seeps through the clouds, casting a mesmerizing glow, but I no longer seem to have the time for such beauty. I turn my back to it and walk through the arch back into the terrace.

-0-

I'm back at the market now, in the same place that I had seen my past guild member, but he's not the one I am waiting for. No, it is someone else who walks through the doorway, clutching her staff tightly as though preparing for a battle. In a way, she is about to enter such a scenario: she also faces the decision of choosing where her loyalties lie. Her blonde hair partially obscures the top of her eyes, which search me for a sign of where my choice lies.

"Nami…" He voice is a mere quaver, an obvious sign of her fear. "Do you know where to go? Who to stay with?"

I shake my head, keeping my eyes trained on the ground as I poke at the snow with my index finger. It is pitiful, my inability to look even at one of my closest friends, who has been with me all this time, because of a rift within what used to be our group. I only wonder what Majeh, traitorous liar that I think he is—Goddess have mercy on my hatred towards a mere ex-guild member—, has told her in an attempt to entice her over.

"I mean…I mean, we don't even know if Majeh has proof, does he? I don't…I don't want to leave…I want to stay…They said they'd come back…They said…They promised…" Her voice stops, and I hear her hiccup, I hear her robes rustle. She is crying, but I do not know what to do.

"They did promise. I might go to the other side." The tone of these words surprises even me; is that really my own voice? It matters not, however, because it has done what I meant for it to do; she has stopped crying. I look up to meet her gaze.

"How could you say that? I thought you cared about Gawk and Martel!" Tears begin falling out of her eyes again, but now they are tears of rage. I avert my eyes again, letting her cry, and after a minute, the tears subside. She sits down on the floor, and I sit down as well, not wanting to let her see my face. The reason why, however, is a reason I do not yet know.

A companionable silence falls between us, and the time passes quietly and peacefully. I do not know how long it has been—although it seems to have been an eternity—but I hear a sigh, and I am not sure if she has decided to speak. If she has said anything, it was a waste of voice, because I no longer remain in the room, listening. I have already retreated back into the sanctuary of my mind.

* * *

"_Nami, just listen to me, okay?"_

_I don't want to listen. Whether or not Martel knows this, however, is something I do not know, yet he acts as though he does not._

"_Look, I loved the Conclave as much as you did. It was one of the best things that I had ever been with in my life."_

"_Then why did you leave?" My voice wavers slightly, but it does not matter to me. I had to let him know how much he and his older brother meant to me and the meaning of the guild._

"_Nami, Rai is not coming back. He left the guild in charge of his brother, and his brother is a jerk. You haven't met him yet, and I don't want you to know what he's like. Please, just come and join LoveLess. There's so many people that I'm sure that you would like, really!"_

_I shake my head. As much as I would love to meet new people, I have no desire to leave anyone, even if I did not know them as well as Martel or Gawk._

_Martel must have noticed my reluctance, because he extended his hand and gently lifted my chin, making my eyes meet his. "Nami, I don't want you to die out like the Conclave will. You're too full of life for that, see?" He grins, and I can't help but give a small smile in return—his smile always cheers me up, no matter what._

_He drops his hand but continues to look at me. "Well, I don't want to force you, okay? Just remember, I'm still your friend, even if you don't want to join."_

_I nod, and then I remember something. Steadying my breath, I ask, "If I change my mind later, can I still join?"_

_He gives me a strange look that I can't exactly place. "Of course. Why couldn't you?"_

_-0-_

_Martel and I are sitting in the market again, just as we have done so before, but something has changed. He is confused, I know, from my sudden request to meet him._

"_Can I join LoveLess now?" I ask, clutching my staff for fear of rejection. Martel had been right and wrong at the same time; despite what Rai had said, he did indeed return, making his brother drop the title of the guild leader. However, as soon as he came back, Rai had disbanded the guild. I had no idea where any of my guild mates had gone, and although I managed to find a few, the majority had been forced to be left behind. I had been guildless for only a few days, yet the absence of a guild had left me with an unnamable emptiness in my being._

_Martel did not know this, and I did not tell him. All he needed to know was that I was willing to join the guild he had wanted me to join, and nothing else. He smiled and handed me an envelope, much like his older brother back in Orbis Tower, such a long time ago._

_I take it without a word, and this induction seems to be less cheerful than I had imagined, but it did not matter. I hear the voice of Martel from my earpiece, saying, "Everyone, you heard the sound of a new member, well, that's my friend, Namina. Be nice, okay?"_

_I heard a cheerful chorus of "Welcome, Namina!" and I can't help but beam at Martel. He grins back._

* * *

I shake my head groggily, and my eyes come back into focus. The blur of colors slowly sharpens into the familiar shapes of trees and ledges, and I look for Kai. She is not here; she must have left. I sigh. The clouds are gathering in the sky now, blanketing the darkening sky so that the first stars of the night are obscured by a hazy sheet of gray. Has so much time passed already? I lie down on the ground, my hair fanning out under my head. As I stare up at the clouds, my grip loosens on my staff, and my eyes slowly close until I cannot see anything but darkness, where I sleep but do not dream.

-0-

It has been three days. Three days since Majeh has conversed with me, with that attempt to bring me over into his influence. Three days since I have last had contact with anyone who was now in the new branch of the guild. Three days since I have ever even entertained the fact that my dear friends might never come back.

There must be a magnet hidden in the twenty-first room of the market, because I am waiting here yet again; my circlet is still perched on my head, my hair still contains a highlight, and I still wield a staff, but I feel different from the girl I felt I was seventy-two hours ago.

The sound of rustling fabric and clinking metal catches my attention, and I look up to see the figure of Majeh. He gives me a smile, which I do not return, and he walks over to stand next to me. He tilts his head slightly, trying to look at my face, but I turn away.

"So, Nami, have you decided yet? I gave you some time to think." He crosses his arms, his wrist guard catching a glare from the sun.

I shake my head, still refusing to look at him. Somehow, this aversion to another person's gaze is becoming a habit. He gives an exasperated sigh, which gives me a clear sign—he is sick and tired of me and my stubborn opinion to stay with the original leaders.

"Think of it this way, Nami. I know you're scared of leaving them behind, but I'll say it again: they are not coming back. They never planned on coming back, they never planned on telling us about it, and they always planned on leaving us in the dark. I'm telling you this because I _care _about you, Nami! Why won't you believe me? I'm your friend, aren't you? I'm doing this for you out of the goodness in my heart."

I bite my lip, trying my best not to swing my staff right into that godforsaken heart. The fingers of my free hand clench into a fist, my fingers digging into my palm.

"Look, Namina, you might believe that you have to be loyal to your friends, and I agree with you. This way, our leader will never be absent. We can always make sure that we get more space for new members, you can always have the joy of being with good people, and if you're afraid of losing your status, we'll just give your Jr. Master title as soon as you join, how does that sound?"

_I don't care about any power; you can just throw it all away and live like lowly slaves for all I care! _I am breathing heavily now, and if I clutch this staff any harder, it will most likely snap right in half. My mind races with the countless epithets I could just hurl right into his face.

"And if you haven't forgotten, Ichi has already crossed over here. If anything will get you to join, it's him, right? Best friends have to stick together, wouldn't you agree?"

Now my teeth are gritting together, my hand screams as my nails continue to inflict a stabbing pain into my palm, and I resist the urge to just freeze him here for eternity and be done with it. How dare he toss the name of my closest friend around so carelessly, as if he were just a bargaining chip? Does he think that I am so easily swayed by such a speech?

"Nami, even though they are not here anymore, I'm sure that even Martel and Gawk would agree that you should join your friends in their time of need."

If Majeh was so convinced of this, why didn't he wait for them? Why didn't he have the patience to see if he could help them?

"It's not betrayal, okay? You don't have to be scared of being labeled as a traitor."

It's ironic, almost humorous. I did like Majeh before, but for some reason, he is one of the worst traitors that I have labeled for myself.

"I don't understand. Chi doesn't understand, Rain doesn't understand, _no one _understands why you haven't joined us. We all thought you liked us! And I know you do, Nami. You just have to believe that you belong here. We all respect your opinion."

He's wrong. It hasn't been the first time, but I see another loophole in his fabricated lie. If he honestly cared about my opinion, how could he explain the fact that they all simultaneously left the guild without a moment's notice, only bothering to tell us about the new guild after all of them had been given the choicest titles? I am no longer of importance to him; I am only a potential playing piece for him to use and raise his own status.

His voice lowers, so that only the two of us can hear what he says, regardless of the fact that we are the only two in the room. "Nami, just give me the nod or shake. Would you like to join?"

I stand there dumbly, not moving at all. My grip on my staff slackens, my fist uncurls, and my jaw relaxes, and my mind ceases to do anything. This was my decision. I had no idea if I would ever have a second chance, but neither did I know if Majeh was telling the truth.

My first instinct was to push him away, to yell at him and tell him that I would not accept, I would never accept, and I would stay with this deserted guild even if it meant that I would lose touch with them forever. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving Martel or Gawk, or anyone else that had not yet crossed over. The words were already half-formed in my mouth, when another memory flew unbidden right into my mind, exploding into a burst of reminiscence and bringing me right into it.

* * *

"_That little—!"_

_Martel's fist hits the table, shaking the ornaments on it and making us jump. We are all scared of his rage, but for some reason, we do not know the reason for this. Ichi is the one to step up bravely, and I hear him ask, "Martel, what happened?"_

_He is still panting, his chest heaving with the labored breathing, but he turns to face us. "Ryuken happened, that's what! Ryuken, that traitorous child of a—"_

_I jump in quickly. "But I thought Ryu liked us, didn't he? He acted really nice and everything!" I didn't want to believe it myself; I had always liked Ryu with his quick decision to laugh and his strange way of trying to create movies with our cast of guild members._

"_He did, but he left and made his own guild, because he claims that we were too weak for him. And it gets even worse; he took Kogein and Blood with him, too." Our eyes widen at this; Blood had been present in LoveLess for almost as long as we could remember, and as much as I knew, Kogein never even bothered to think what guild he was in. He certainly didn't care if there was a new guild; he would just stay in ours._

"_But how?" Ichi asks, his voice hoarse. "I mean…What do you need us to do about him?" Martel shrugs._

"_Everything you can. If you find him, make sure he pays for this."_

_-0-_

_I don't remember much detail after that encounter. I only remember that after the meeting, I had stayed behind to talk to Martel, suggesting that we could try and sabotage him through espionage. I remember that I managed to make him laugh at that, but he had agreed to it, jokingly saying that we were something along the lines of secret ninja spies._

_The mission failed, needless to say; I was admittedly a very bad spy and was caught by Ryuken, who had already considered the possibility of a spy from the old guild. That, and the fact that I was the only girl who had even been in the guild—I was also probably the only member who had asked to join out of the blue, when I had crossed paths with him randomly and in disguise. Still, I did become friends with Ryu, who is still on my list of good friends, and I confessed to Martel that I had failed. For some reason, he didn't seem to mind; he had just laughed and ruffled my hair, telling me that I was very bad at being a ninja._

_I didn't mind much. I was just glad that he looked better._

* * *

"Namina? Namina!"

I gasp, my eyes opening in a flash. For some reason, I have ended up on the floor; I am now sitting on the ground, my staff lying uselessly next to me. Majeh is kneeling, looking at me with what seems to be concern.

"Namina, I'm sorry. Are you okay? I didn't mean to make you think so hard."

I almost ask him what he is talking about, until I remember that the choice was what triggered the memory in the first place. I open my mouth again, fully ready to refuse the invitation, but then I remember the reason why I had thought of joining.

Ane, who was new to fighting, yet so joyful and fun to be around. Butta, who never seemed to be bothered by my habit of nicknaming everyone, and who always had the time to listen to anything. SJB, who rarely ever had time apart from training to socialize, but who was good company either way. All of them were in the new branch of LoveLess. All of them would be left behind if I made the choice to refuse.

I continue to sit on the ground, and I ask whether I could just have a few more days to think, because my head still hurt. I only hear his voice in the distance, in some foggy layer of my mind, but I can make out the words that he would come back later. His footsteps echo in the room as he takes the portal out of the room, leaving me alone in the room with no one around. For some reason, I find it to be strangely relaxing.

-0-

"Nami?" A short crackle of static in my earpiece gives way to the voice of Ichi, and I stop walking. I tap my earpiece lightly, and I ask him if he needs anything.

"Not much. How about meeting me in the market?" I agree, and turn around to walk back to the market, holding my staff loosely by my side as I walk. I walk into the market's entrance, bracing myself for the usual barrage of voices advertising their wares and trading with others. Sure enough, people are lounging casually around the market, some lying down and chatting, others jumping desperately and asking passerby for different items. I pass them all, continuing to travel until I reach the room that I had just been in the previous day.

As I enter the room, which is—in stark contrast to the entrance—soundless and devoid of people, save for myself and the lone archer sitting casually in his chair, his bow lying at his feet. The archer smiles at the sight of me, standing up and folding up his chair as I approach him, my best and closest friend, Ichi. He has the same appearance that I knew from the last time I saw him, but he, like myself, seems to be different from who I recognized him to be. I already know where he stands, but I look at his clothing anyway, noticing that he wears the same guild emblem as mine, yet he is not in my guild. He has already crossed over to the new branch, where Martel and Gawk are nonexistent; they are only a fading memory living in the hearts of those close to them.

"Nami." He tilts his head, looking curiously at me; I am once again looking at the floor, appearing to admire his shoes. He clears his throat. "Um, Nami, I haven't seen you in a while. How…How are you?"

I shake my head, not a single sound escaping my throat.

His gloved hand reaches out to me, touching my shoulder, and I do not move away. With the most effort that I can manage, I lift my head, my crimson eyes meeting his hazel ones. My mouth opens, but my voice refuses to form any words; my desperate thoughts remain inside me instead, choking me with the suppressed emotion that I had been forced to conceal for what seems to have been an eternity.

I know he can see my panic, because his eyes seem to soften and he asks me kindly, "Nami, what's wrong? You usually look so happy…"

I shake my head and blink rapidly, raising my hands to push him away as gently as I can manage. He ignores it and moves forward again, enveloping me in a warm embrace as I try to brush away an imaginary speck of dust in my eyes. I look up at him and manage to choke out some words in a wildly strangled voice: "M-Martel and G-Gawk p-p-promised to come b-back…They d-did…"

He nods solemnly. "Don't cry, Nami."

"I'm not." And although it does not feel like it, it is the truth. I haven't shed a single tear, despite the fact that my heart has practically been obliterated by now. He tilts his head again, and releases me, sitting down on the ground.

"Nami, do you remember when they left?"

I nod and sit down with him, crossing my legs and placing my staff next to me.

"They told us they would come back. Do you remember?"

I nod again. Even though this memory is the blurriest out of the different flashes of the past concerning LoveLess, strangely enough, I still remember the gist of it.

* * *

"_Um, guys, we have to tell you all something…"_

_The friendly banter floating around in the guild headquarters stops as if a blanket has been thrown over it, silencing us. We—the members of LoveLess—look up at Martel and Gawk, who are standing at the front of the large meeting room, and wait eagerly for their announcement._

_Martel looks at our faces with an emotion that is unfamiliar to his personality—was it sheepishness?—and clears his throat. "We—that is, me and Gawk—have…ah…well, we…er…" He seems to have forgotten what his announcement was, because he scratches at the ground with the toe of his shoe, motioning to Gawk instead. We turn to face him._

_Gawk clears his throat now, and he seems to be nervous as well. "You see, Martel and I…we're having some problems, to say the least."_

"_Do you need any help with something?" One of the members asks worriedly._

"_No, no. We, uh, just need to sort things out. Outside of this place, concerning a different system," he says pointedly. "We won't be able to come here for a while, until we fix our problem."_

_An outbreak of worried muttering and commenting opens up, and Gawk seems flustered._

"_Guys, we're gonna come back, we promise. If we really can't come back, we'll find a way to tell you; we promise that too. Um…Well, the point is, just take care of yourselves. We'll be back soon, so don't leave or anything. We're not abandoning you." The two brothers give us a sad smile, and a burst of voices suddenly fill the air in the meeting room, begging them to fix their problem soon, and telling them how much we'll miss them, and that of course we wouldn't leave them—what kind of person would do that?_

_They give us all a small wave, and Martel manages to flash us another one of his brilliant grins. "Well, we'll be off. Take care of yourselves, now!" They push open the heavy wooden door, and walk into the bright sunlight. As they walk away, the door slowly swings shut, until it connects with the door frame again with a loud banging noise, shutting out the light and their presence with it._

* * *

My eyelids flutter open, and I look up. Somehow, I'm lying on the floor. Again.

Ichigono looks at me; he's on the ground as well, but he's sitting the same way that he was sitting before I had the reminiscence. I blink, looking at him, and he smiles back in his comforting way. "Don't worry, Nami," he says. "Whoever you decide to choose, I'll still be your friend, okay? So don't worry about me. Do what your heart wants to do."

I nod, and I stand up, picking up my staff. "I really should be going now," I mumble. "I haven't been training for a while—I don't want to be left behind."

He knows I'm not just talking about the training, but he nods anyway in response.

-0-

It is now the seventh day since I have received the offer. One week has passed.

I sit in the same room of the market—why did I always pick the same room, anyway, if there's twenty-two of them?—and Majeh appears in the portal, looking the same as he did the last time I saw him. I incline my head slightly to show I have noticed him, and he gives me a smile in return, which I cannot bring myself to return.

"So, Nami, you asked for more time, and I gave it to you. Do you still need more?"

I shake my head, although I feel as though he seems to be mocking me. I do not think that is his intention, however; perhaps I am just too suspicious after so long. My mouth opens but nothing comes out.

Majeh seems to notice. "No worries, Nami. Just a nod or a shake will do, if you can't bring yourself to speak."

I bite my lip as the painstakingly long seconds pass by. The memories that came back to me, the conversations with my other friends, and all the past promises roar inside my head, almost deafening me, but I finally force myself to move.

I nod.

A smile spreads on Majeh's face. "That's great, Nami. I knew you would come through. So let's get on with it, shall we?"

I nod again, and reach into my pocket, pulling out the crumpled invitation that I still had, which signified my membership in LoveLess. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, and I hold it with both hands. I tear it in half, dropping the pieces, and they seem to light themselves on fire, burning up until the invitation is nothing more than a few ashes lying forlornly on the snow-covered ground. The guild emblem of LoveLess seems to melt, disappearing off of my clothing without a trace of its previous existence. I look up to face Majeh, who is already holding out the invitation, and I take it and place it in my pocket. The guild emblem, which is exactly the same as the old LoveLess emblem, appears on my clothing, and I hear a click in my earpiece. It is as though I never left in the first place, at least from my appearance.

"Well, that's all done. I'll get Chi to promote you as soon as possible, okay?" He grins and pats my shoulder with his gloved hand. "I have to finish up some business now, so I should really be going. I'll be seeing you again soon, I hope." He turns and disappears into the portal.

I stare dumbly at the portal, looking to see if Majeh will return. After I reassure myself that he will not return, I collapse on the ground, reaching out to touch the remnants of the ashes with the tips of my fingers. A sudden breeze picks up, scattering the ashes, but I continue to stare at the place where they were, until the tears fall uncontrollably, staining the snow.


End file.
